ENEMY AC130 ABOVE!
by nooneimportant2
Summary: Remember how crazy things in mw2 were when the enemy called an AC130? This goes more in-depth and puts a story behind each faction...kinda Edited the Spetsnaz part for some more humor


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Disclaimer: I don't own Call of Duty or AC130s they belong to IW and actually the US Air Force also...Plus I don't own any religion or faction either this is purely for humor

Author's Note: If people ask me to I'll maybe do one about EMP, Friendly Nuke, and Enemy Nuke Let me know what you think in the reviews. Also this is for humor I'm not trying to be racist especially with the Russians...NO they are NOT all heavy drinkers. Screw you idiots who actually think it's 100% true Russians are cool) besides I take Russian in school and we aren't drunks! I'm only using these references because it's funny not because I'm racist Also I edited the Spetsnaz part a bit

AC130

Opfor

ENEMY AC130 ABOVE!

Opfor1: Everyone get in that building over there and pray to Allah!

Opfor2: Uh yeah...you see most of us haven't been praying 5 times a day so uh...I think Allah's gonna ditch us

Opfor1: Oh...then CURSE YOU ALLAH!

*random lightning bolt and Opfor1 dies*

Opfor2: HOLY CRAP! EVERYONE GET IN THE BUILDING

*AC130 bombs him instead*

AC130 Operator: Good shot I see lots of iddy-biddy pieces down there

AC130 Gunner: What was that lightning bolt?

AC130 Pilot: Meh I think they cursed Allah or something the Muslim God...apparently he's on our side rather than the OpFor

AC130 Gunner: W00T!

All other Opfor: AHHHHHHHH! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DOOOO AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Opfor3: SHUT UP! Everyone get in that building NOW, grab the rocket launchers and shoot that mother****** DOWN!

*Everyone grabs Stingers, At4's, RPG's, Javelin Missiles, and apparently a stolen SAM launcher*

Opfor4: Hey I want that SAM launcher

Opfor5: No its mine!

Opfor4: Mine!

Opfor5: MINE!

Opfor3: Guys just chill

*All other Opfor shoots him*

Opfor501: Hey dat guy was my brother in law

Opfor117: So?

Opfor501: I'LL KILL YOU

*While fighting like little children the AC130 and the power of Allah bombs/zaps them all to death*

AC130 TV Operator: Man oh man that's gonna be one heck of a highlight reel

AC130 Gunner: You said it!

Meanwhile...

Muslims: Man those guys made us Muslims look bad...freaking terrorists we Muslims aren't all like that! heh glad we prayed to Allah to zap them thanks Allah!

(A/N: Not all Muslims and Skihs are terrorists! One of my friends is Muslim so TAKE THAT RACIST PEOPLE)

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Navy SEALs

ENEMY AC130 ABOVE!

Seal1: Wait What? AHHHHHH!

*AC130 bombs him and somehow his body is okay but his head is gone*

*The badly outnumbered Spetsnaz cheers because they are outnumbered literally 20 to 300*

Russian AC130 Gunner: BOOM HEADSHOT!

Russian AC130 TV Operator: How'd you do that?

Russian AC130 Gunner: Before I joined the Air Force: I was a Spetsnaz GRU Sniper

*Whole AC130 crew shudders*

Russian AC130 Gunner: What?

Russian AC130 co-Pilot (In fetal position by the way): So much stabbing...So much hitting...So much pain...

Russian AC130 Gunner: Okaaaaaay...the training wasn't that hard

Rest of the Russian AC130 Crew: AHHHHH! HE'S A DEMON GRAB THE PARACHUTES!

*The Russian AC130 Crew grabs parachutes, oxygen tanks, and cold-weather gear and jumps out into the mountains*

Russian AC130 Gunner: Okaaaaaay...Wierd... So...How do you fly this thing?

**The Gunner Himself could not pilot the AC130 and so crashed within 40 seconds**

Seal2: Okay...is it just me or did those guys just crash?

Seal3: Yeah, yeah they crashed, apparently the crew parachuted out for some reason so yeah...

Seal2: *shrugs* okay well I guess we just keep fighting

*Demolishes the Spetsnaz platoon with superior numbers and air support which comes from nowhere*

(A/N: Yes Spetsnaz GRU training is VERY hard you'd have to be really tough to make it. To scale: 1 out of 10 people make it into the US Marines and 1/8 make it into the Army Rangers but only 1 out of 14 make it into the Spetsnaz GRU so even though the actual Spetsnaz GRU has fewer people than the US Marines they're really good troops individually but Russia isn't as wealthy as America so despite their tough troops their gear and support is pretty decent but not up to par as the US so they balance each other out, since America and Russia aren't at war at the present most of every Special Forces team internationally are fighting terrorism)

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Militia

(A/N: Yeah I know that according to the call of duty wikia that the Militia isn't really a militia it's actually a heavily armed gang but then that just makes the Favela campaign missions seem bad because I dunno, shooting terrorists feels less worse than shooting an actual militia but I think that the Militia having the motivation to fight to protect their home as normal civilians rather than to just plain kill actually be a bit less sadistic)

ENEMY AC130 ABOVE!

Militia1: GRRRRR HOW DARE YOU CALL IN THAT CURSED PLANE! WE'RE ALREADY FREAKING REBUILDING!

*AC130 blows up barber shop*

Militia2: NOOOOO! My family's lived there for 3 generations *tear*

*AC130 blows up a vendor*

Militia3: NOOOOO! I have to sell my fruits there in the morning when I don't fight!

*AC130 blows up a bunch of random buildings resulting in Militia breaking into tears*

AC130 Pilot: Uh dude don't you think it's kinda mean to shoot their businesses? Our job is to shoot them not ruin the rest of their families

AC130 Gunner: Eh okay fine

All Militia guys: YOU GONNA DIE SUCKA!

*grab random short-range missiles and fire wildly at the AC130 but either completely miss or the missiles run out of fuel*

AC130 Gunner: *shrugs* Okay

*Fires 105mm Howitzer 3 times and kills everyone*

(A/N In real life AC130's fly MUCH higher than they do in mw2 so Stingers, AT-4's, and RPGs wouldn't reach them it'd take SAM's and AC130's hold way more than just 2 sets of flares more like 50 or something so you can imagine it takes a LOT of SAM's)

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TF141

Enemy AC130 Above...

TF141 Guy1: Yawn what's so bad?

*AC130 bombs randomly*

TF141 Guy1: Right...hey someone call command for a SAM launch

TF141 Guy2: Eh whatever: Command this is Alpha team we've got an AC130 above requesting a SAM Strike at these coordinates

Command: Roger firing 51 missiles now

*Fires*

Russian AC130 Pilot: HOLY ****!

*AC130 drops all flares and deflects all but one and gets hit by that one and then crashes*

*TF141 unenthusiastically cheers and goes back to drinking alcoholic drinks from their home countries

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US Army Rangers

ENEMY AC130 ABOVE!

Ranger1: HOLY ****! RUN AWAY MAN!

*All Rangers run to camp in a bulding but Ranger1 still gets bombed*

Ranger2: dammit what are we gonna do?

Ranger3: I know! RAMIREZ!

Ramirez: What?

Ranger3: Take down that AC130 with this paper clip I found on the floor! Also while you're at it steal us some Vodka from the Russians and steal some burgers from Burger Town! Also some Tacos from Taco bell preferably without sour cream I hate that stuff...Oh and mug that random crippled hobo over there for the quarter I just gave him I need that to buy a soda...hmmm...also go to Bungie on foot and steal an XBOX360 and some Halo Reach discs too. Oh an-

*Ramirez Falcon Pawnches Ranger3 outside and lets him get bombed*

Ramirez: Well that's taken care of...anyway WTF CAN I DO WITH A PAPER CLIP

*Casually tosses paper clip out the window which then goes up and somehow cuts the AC130 in half*

Russian AC130 Pilot: WTF A PAPER CLIP DESTROYED MY PLANE?

**Meanwhile...**

Ramirez: Oh...

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Spetsnaz

ENEMY AC130 ABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!

Spetsnaz1: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! OMGWTFBBQ WE ARE GONNA DIE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I STILL HAVE TO DRINK MY VODKA

*AC130 bombs Spetsnaz1*

Ranger3's ghost: YAY! *Steals Vodka from Spetsnaz1's dead body*

Spetsnaz2: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! THE AC130 BOMBED MY BROTHER IN LAW AND THAT GHOST STOLE HIS VODKA NOOOOO! EVERYONE RUN AROUND SCREAMING!

Rest of the Spetsnaz Platoon: Eh whatever *Shoots wildly with their guns and rocket launchers and runs around screaming like Spetsnaz1 and Spetsnaz2*

AC130 Gunner: HAHAHA look at those dumb idiots run around

*Somehow a random stray broken vodka bottle gets thrown like 5 miles in the air and hits the AC130*

AC130 Pilot: What?

*From nowhere random missiles, vodka bottles, cakes, paper clips, bullets, Russian Rubles, and for some reason a Leather-seat sofa stolen from the White House hits the AC130*

AC130 Pilot: HOLY ****WE'RE CRASHING AHHHHHH!

*While the Spetsnaz Platoon keeps screaming and running the AC130 crashes*

**Meanwhile**

President: HEY WTF WHERE'S MY SOFA STUPID RUSSIANS!

4 hours later...

Sgt Foley: What the?

Cpl Dunn...Ummm I dunno what are they saying?

Sgt Foley: Ramirez get the translator

Spetsnaz Platoon: ВРАГ АЦ130 ВЫШЕ ЕКОНОМИТЬ ЗТО ВОДКАЕ ПРОКТАЛИЕ ВЫ АМEРИКАНЦЕВ!(VRAG ATS130 VWESHEI EKONOMEET ETA VODKA PROKTALEEA VWE AMERIKANTSEV!): ENEMY AC130 ABOVE SAVE THE VODKA CURSE YOU AMERICANS!

Sgt Foley: ...Right...Shoot them

*Whole Ranger platoon fires at the Spetsnaz but they all miss because they're running around so much and screaming (FAIL) Soon the whole platoon runs out of ammo*

Cpl Dunn:...Right now what?

Sgt Foley: I dunno just steal their weapons or something and leave

*Army Rangers steal all the Spetsnaz' guns and ammo while they're still running and screaming*

The Next Day...

Ranger501: ...Seriously?

Ranger502: Yep

Ranger501: Wow just wow

Ranger 503: Meh just shoot them

*Whole Platoon is about to shoot when random Vodka bottles hit them and they all Army Rangers fall unconcious (FAIL)*

Spetsnaz2: MWAHAHAHAHA stupid Americans we know the AC130 is gone we did that so you would ignore us Everyone! Steal their weapons lets go back to Russia

Spetsnaz Platoon: Agreed

*Spetsnaz steals everything, hijacks an AC130 and flies back to Russia (WIN)*

*10 seconds later*

Spetsnaz2: WTF DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T FLY A STUPID AC130? YOU SAID YOU WERE IN THE AIR FORCE BEFORE THE SPETSNAZ GRU!

Spetsnaz3: Ummm I _tried_ to get in the Air Force I flunked in 10 seconds (FAIL)

Spetsnaz4: AAAAAHHHHH! NO WE'RE GONNA DIE AAAAHHHH!

Spetsnaz2: Quick Everyone! DRINK ALL THE VODKA

Spetsnaz5: Good Idea we're above the cold ocean the alcohol could keep us alive for a few hours

Spetsnaz2: Actually I just wanted a goodbye drink and not to let all this go to waste…

Spetsnaz5: Oh…

Spetsnaz2: OH WHATEVER JUST DRINK!

*AC130 crashes after everyone drinks all the Vodka*

**The Next Day…**

Russian News Reporter: Fisherman Dimitri once a lowly fisherman is now credited with saving the lives of a team of 10 elite Spetsnaz GRU soldiers who survived their ordeal only on sheer force of will and lots and lots of Vodka

Spetsnaz2: W00T FOR THE VODKA YAY!

**Meanwhile…**

Sgt Foley: Man…they survived? I gotta say that's impressive they crashed and didn't drown right guys?

*Everyone is unconscious*

Sgt Foley: What?

*More Vodka bottles come out of nowhere and hit Sgt Foley*

Spetsnaz from across the world all the way in Russia: W00T OH YEAH HIT THAT GUY FROM THIS FAR BEAT THAT!

A/N: Whew that was longer than I planned but anyway guys let me know what you think. If you want to I can make EMP and Nuke ones too although maybe not as long and I didn't mean to be racist Plus I edited the Spetsnaz part as I said before


End file.
